Creating a Thriving Marriage

Can a marriage actually thrive rather than just survive?

Now this is a great question isn’t it? I have been consciously watching couples since I was around 15 years old. I remember one day walking home from a friend’s house in the evening. I was walking through some apartments and as I was walking through I happened to look to my right and saw through a window a younger couple standing there in what appeared to be their kitchen.

It triggered a thought in my mind. I said to myself, I wonder what they are talking about. This really made me wonder about what relationships were like behind closed doors. I had never taken the time to pay attention to my own family. All I had seen was brokenness except for my grandparents; I did not know what a good relationship looked like.

Of course life went on and I got married myself and found myself in a marriage that did not work out and ended in divorce. I still wondered about that couple and thirty years later I still think about them. So I come back to the original question, can a marriage thrive rather than just survive?

My answer is absolutely. I think anything can thrive if we give it the attention it will need to thrive. I think that in most relationships it is only the boyfriend girlfriend stage that tends to thrive. But when you take a closer look at what is going on this stage of your relationship you will notice there is so much attention given to creating and keeping the relationship alive. Then once the marriage happens the deal has been closed on for both sides and it appears we fall back into our old habits from before we met and got married. This is where the relationship seems to lose its momentum.

Now how can we make this work in our lives today? How can we bring back the life to the relationship? Think of your life like that plant you have sitting out there on your front porch. You just left to go on vacation and forgot to make sure you had someone to water your plants. You get home and find that poor plant almost completely dead. It appears that a nuclear bomb has gone off and it has shriveled up to nothing. All that has happened is that we have neglected what was important to give it the ability to thrive.

Now it is amazing how quickly that plant will show signs of life again once we start to give it the attention it needs. I mean the first thing we do is give it water and make sure that the soil is drenched. A day later we come back out there to check on the plant and see it is making progress and give it a little more water. We might take it out of the sun and give it a little shade and talk sweet to the plant. Yes people talk to plants all the time. We continue to give the plant the attention it needs to thrive and then in a week or two the plant is back to its normal happy place blooming with love.

So it is in our relationships, if we would just take the time to give our relationships some positive attention I believe just like the plant our relationships would start to thrive again. If we as couples can make being intentional with giving daily value to each other our relationships will start to thrive. Think back to when you were boyfriend girlfriend and see the way you treated each other. Think back to the times in your relationship that you were the happiest and recreate those same behaviors. This is all part of making the marriage thrive again. This doesn’t happen on accident. It is something you have to create and develop daily. So to answer the question here.

Yes a marriage can thrive.

For more articles on marriage and relationships go to my blog page @

Eric Rios is a marriage & life coach working to bring back that smile to your marriage. If you would like help in setting and reaching your marital goals make sure you visit our site at and fill out the contact form and we will get back to you promptly.

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​© 2015 by Eric Rios and The Smiling Marriage.


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